Pu

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By: Ed Sheets

Contents

Overview

A brilliant marketing effort by China's Yunnan Province, with the ultimate aim of unloading stale tea at fantastically increased prices.

Varieties

Young Sheng

Tastes like chewing tobacco.

Aged Sheng

Tastes like chewing tobacco pooped by a cow into a boot.

Young Shou

Tastes like a moldy book.

Aged Shou

Tastes like a Post-Katrina black mold colony.

Poo Poo Puerh

Aged sheng mixed with worm feces from worms that got into the pu pies and started eating the leaves.

Brewing

Rinse

First, open up all doors and windows. Turn on every fan you can find.

Soak pu in boiling water for several minutes to kill everything. Discard the rinse water in a BioHazard can. Deposit the can in a granite quarry. Cover with 8 meters of salt.

Gong Fu

In a yixing pot to which you are not strongly attached, measure out 1 gram of sheng or .025 grams of shou for every 100 ml of water.

Pour boiling water over the pu and immediately drain into a styrofoam cup.

In fact, skip the yixing pot and just dump the pu into a strainer so the water comes in contact with the pu as little as physics will allow.

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